A while back, I decided that I wanted to showcase some of the crafty sh*t going on in my brain, and to have a better excuse for what can be an expensive past time. So I got some advice from my fabulously genius web developer hubby, did a lot of thinking, and dove in.
And started to sink.
You see, I have Fibromyalgia, a disease that doctors know little about, and that people assume is me being a whiny bum. Ok, yes, I *can* be a tad whiny once in a while. Even lazy. But so can most people. Fibro is sooooo much more than that. It is real. It is concrete. But it is not dry concrete, I have good days, and I have bad days, and that is a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because, well, who wants to feel like regurgitated crap ALL the time? I really appreciate the days when the pain doesn’t prevent me from playing on the floor with my son, and from everyday tasks like cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. And I positively LOVE LOVE LOVE the days when the lead blanket is removed from my head. Fibro fog is, I think, the worst part. I lose the ability to focus. I can’t read, I can’t craft, I can’t write worth anything. I used to be an AVID reader, but I haven’t been able to read a whole book in several years. Even an internet article or a magazine is too much for me on those days.
A curse because, even when I’m feeling well, I can’t predict how I will feel in a few hours. My body’s condition is as fickle as the New England weather, and sometimes affected by it, too. A curse because anybody looking at me can’t tell what kind of day I’m having, or even that I am sick. A curse because even the people closest to me, the ones I need support and understanding from, cannot understand the complexity of the aches, the loss of concentration, the feeling of inadequacy that permeates every part of my life. And while I am experiencing all of that funness, I have to be forgiving to these people that I love.
But, I digress. And that’s kinda the point. In 3 months, I’ve only been able to write three (now 4) articles, not because I’m bored with this, not because I am too busy, or that my son is tugging on my arm right now (ok, that one does happen a lot), but because I’m in so much pain that I can’t sit at the computer to type. The fibro fog is making me forget words, steps in my tutorial, or even that fabulous idea I had for that thing I wanted to make.
What WAS that idea? I know it was brilliant, but beyond that… I’m lost.
And so, my non-existent adoring fans, I apologize. I apologize for not writing a new tutorial every week like I intended. I apologize for the lack of pics, as I *do* craft for my sanity, and I don’t always trust that my good days will stay good long enough to spend the time to properly document what I did. I apologize – I seem to suck at this whole “life” thing. I hope you, imaginary reader, don’t.